reaching for a better tomorrow

Assalamualaikum.

 

I didn’t actually know what is the real meaning of sacrifice. I am just 19 years old (next month..wowee). More than that, I’m not a mother YET, never knew how excruciating was the pain of giving birth, and i never knew what i have to forget,to give and to receive in order to raise a child. YES, i didn’t know any of that, never experienced any of them.

 

but, here i am. trying to talk on a simple kind of sacrifice compared to what i had mention above. an act of GIVING or LETTING GO. trying to forget and let some things go is not an easy task for me. it was rather a painful choice to make. it was a burdensome especially when it implicates something that I treasure the most.

do you still remember when you were sixth when your mom ask you to give some of your toys to your neighbor’s daughter, for her to play???it was a hurtful decision but you didn’t want to make your mom upset,right?so, in the end,you just gave it to her.

compared to those childish memories of mine, today’s decision might have bring greater impact on me. after this september, i have to let go my 5 years-time-to-spend with my family and friends. i have been thinking bout that too much.

after 5 more years, i will be 24 years old,my mom will be 51 years old and my father will be 57.my sis will be in her 27th year of living,my brothers both will be 20 and 17 years old. it was too absurd for me to think. and what i hate and always cry of the most is whenever i think that i will not get a chance to watch them grow. after this, i wouldn’t get a really nice chance to watch my brother playing rugby, my sister to lose weight, my father to grow lots of grey hair, my mom to try lots of facial product to look younger and my youngest brother to score in his both UPSR and PMR. it makes me hurt. more than that, when i knew that my bff will finish her studies first, it makes me cry that i didnt get the chance to attend her graduation ceremony later on..it wasn’t my attention to write on this things that will eventually makes me sadder.but it just HURT.

STILL REMEMBER MY CHILDISH MEMORIES???

welll,to make it simple, i woke up the next day and saw a new toy on my table.

 this NEW TOY that i talked about is actually represent the reprisal that you got after you let go of something that you love or adore. i always try to act based on this saying :

” when one door closes, another door opens “

this new toy is the another door for me. i wasn’t saying that when i’ll leave my family + friends, i will find someone that is better than them. it will never happen that way. my love for them and themselves are irreplaceable. maybe by letting go this precious moment with them, after this 5 years, i’ll be more appreciative towards them. i will support them in whenever path they will choose and after this 5 years, i am sure that i will put them in front of everything else.

after all this, i suddenly realized that, whenever there’s long holiday and money, i will surely heading home. =)))))