Updates from June, 2012 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • le joufflu et big dream 12:09 pm on June 17, 2012 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: family, father, grateful, happy father's day, ,   

    a tribute to ayah, abah, papa, dad, abi, walid,and daddy 

    we often forgot about father. let’s just be honest. when we went to shop, we remember to buy a lipstick to mom but forgot to buy a pair of sports shoe to our father, right?

    as a daughter myself, i admit that i always forgot bout my father. not that i do it intentionally but i often called my mom and tend to forget to ask bout my ayah. maaf ye ayah. 😉

    (*from here,i called my father ayah, ok?)

    ayah is reallllyyyyy a great father. it wasn’t because he is my father but ayah never shows his weak side to us (siblings). i always look up to him for he is a strong man, both inside out. my mum told us that long time ago, before we had our first car (in 90’s), ayah would walk cross the railway to buy us diapers when my sister and i still a baby. he was willing to sacrifice his life for us and this story never fails to make me choke up.

    i still remember when mom just gave birth to my younger brother, my father slept beside the drain at the hospital because my brother was diagnosed with jaundice. back then, they didn’t let anybody, even the husband to wait in the ward after the wife delivered the baby (why?????hospital can be cruel! ). so,worried of both my mom n brother ‘s health, ayah decided to slept just beside the drain outside the ward, waiting for my mom n brother.

    back in 2009, when i was diagnosed with intercranial hypertension, ayah was willing to go back and forth from work to the hospital where i stay which is about 45km worth of trip just to take turn with my mom to accompany me in the ward. i was touched. (love you, ayah! )

    i knew, ayah has done more than what i has wrote here. so,TO AYAH and all dads in this world, here is my LETTER (sort of) to all of you :


    i knew i have never done enough to repay all of your sacrifices and strength that you has given through out this period of time. you has done a lot for us, you have worked everyday without any grumbles just to feed us and to keep smiles on our face.

    and i regretted that i have never done the same for you. i have never achieved anything that can make you proud having me as your daughter and i am terribly sorry for that. i am sorry that i have wasted your precious age to see me to be a successful person and right now i am struggling to be one.

    ayah, i hope that it wasn’t too late that i am starting now to achieve what you have been wanted from a daughter. ayah, just wait for me. please wait for another five years, be healthy and insyaallah by that time, i’ll be back with a cert on my hand and believe me that i will hug you hard, ayah.

    thank you,ayah. Happy father’s day 😉

  • le joufflu et big dream 8:28 am on June 13, 2012 Permalink | Reply

    reaching for a better tomorrow 



    I didn’t actually know what is the real meaning of sacrifice. I am just 19 years old (next month..wowee). More than that, I’m not a mother YET, never knew how excruciating was the pain of giving birth, and i never knew what i have to forget,to give and to receive in order to raise a child. YES, i didn’t know any of that, never experienced any of them.


    but, here i am. trying to talk on a simple kind of sacrifice compared to what i had mention above. an act of GIVING or LETTING GO. trying to forget and let some things go is not an easy task for me. it was rather a painful choice to make. it was a burdensome especially when it implicates something that I treasure the most.

    do you still remember when you were sixth when your mom ask you to give some of your toys to your neighbor’s daughter, for her to play???it was a hurtful decision but you didn’t want to make your mom upset,right?so, in the end,you just gave it to her.

    compared to those childish memories of mine, today’s decision might have bring greater impact on me. after this september, i have to let go my 5 years-time-to-spend with my family and friends. i have been thinking bout that too much.

    after 5 more years, i will be 24 years old,my mom will be 51 years old and my father will be 57.my sis will be in her 27th year of living,my brothers both will be 20 and 17 years old. it was too absurd for me to think. and what i hate and always cry of the most is whenever i think that i will not get a chance to watch them grow. after this, i wouldn’t get a really nice chance to watch my brother playing rugby, my sister to lose weight, my father to grow lots of grey hair, my mom to try lots of facial product to look younger and my youngest brother to score in his both UPSR and PMR. it makes me hurt. more than that, when i knew that my bff will finish her studies first, it makes me cry that i didnt get the chance to attend her graduation ceremony later on..it wasn’t my attention to write on this things that will eventually makes me sadder.but it just HURT.


    welll,to make it simple, i woke up the next day and saw a new toy on my table.

     this NEW TOY that i talked about is actually represent the reprisal that you got after you let go of something that you love or adore. i always try to act based on this saying :

    ” when one door closes, another door opens “

    this new toy is the another door for me. i wasn’t saying that when i’ll leave my family + friends, i will find someone that is better than them. it will never happen that way. my love for them and themselves are irreplaceable. maybe by letting go this precious moment with them, after this 5 years, i’ll be more appreciative towards them. i will support them in whenever path they will choose and after this 5 years, i am sure that i will put them in front of everything else.

    after all this, i suddenly realized that, whenever there’s long holiday and money, i will surely heading home. =)))))

  • le joufflu et big dream 9:12 am on June 4, 2012 Permalink | Reply

    there’s a silver lining on the cloud 

    Alhamdulillah. today i want to start my post by praising Him who i often didn’t appreciate for all the guidance and Nur that he has been given me.

    I’m sorry for not writing for too long. I’ve been busy these days and i believe i will be keeping this track until September.I’m also feeling sorry for myself for couldn’t express what I’ve felt the past few weeks. Last week has been rough for me. First of all, i had receive my final result which i think that is quite low. But still, Alhamdulillah it wasn’t that low. It was okay. My parent has been too kind to criticize me, they choose to just accept what i have done and they believe that i had worked hard. (thanks mom,dad and my sister!! ^^ )


    there’s one more problem. i didn’t know where i should apply to pursue my dream. and my result didn’t offer me any help either.i was simply LOST. yes,not like that tv series-Lost but like Rose (kate winslet) kind of lost when she had to decide whether to keep on holding to Jack (leonardo dicaprio) or to let him go. please do not laugh. i did felt that way. to keep holding on my dream or just to forget it.

    it was like there’s two path in front of me and i had to choose one of them in order to continue walking. one with wild bushes and thorns and i can see the black clouds moving behind the never-ending mountains while the other one is full with dead trees and the path is full with skulls of dead animals and even human skulls. neither the first path nor the second path is better than the other.

    even when we’re on our way to Cameron Highlands, i kept thinking what kind of choice did i have. Suddenly, my mom’s phone rang and she answer the call. then,hesitating, she gave the phone to me saying that there’s someone wanted to talk to me. my face at that time looks like i has been bombed with a bazooka of curiosity. who the hell would like to talk to me during this period of time???i picked up the phone and there she was,GMN officer telling me that i has been offered to pursue my study in Al-Mansoura University, Cairo. and seriously i was way too confuse to be happy and shouting “hey,i got to do medic in Egypt!” or something. all i said was alright and that’s it. i was drowned in thoughts. I was hesitating and couldn’t make up my mind for days.

    again, Alhamdulillah. with guidance from Him and all the advice that i got from my relatives, they have successfully made me believe that this is the right path for me and yes, i has accepted the offer. but still, i has lots of documents and forms waiting to be filled and that’s why i was and still am busy.

    last but not least, Thanks God,mom & dad, sister and bros and friends for always be there for me.

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